Okay, AJ. I gave you thirty claps. Would have given more but I got bored with the clapping. I wrote exactly the same thing on Facebook just now and then stumbled over your article. Ms. Winfrey is a stunningly bad choice for a presidential candidate. She might win, and that might be the worst thing that could possibly happen because she would have no idea how to govern. She is the CEO of a closely-held corporation, just like Donald Trump, whose corporation is powered by her personal charisma, just like Donald Trump.

Bernie Sanders only has four things going against him: he’s too old, he’s from Brooklyn (remember, I’m from Brooklyn, too), he’s Jewish (as I am), and he thinks he’s a socialist. (I’m a socialist. I believe in workers owning the means of production, which is the shortest possible definition of a socialist. I don’t know what the fuck Bernie is, but he’s not a socialist.)

Age gets us all, and there’s no arguing with age. At 69, I remember how to do many things that I can’t do any more. The mind is willing but the flesh isn’t. Being from Brooklyn is a unique disability. We don’t talk American like other people, even if we do sound pretty much how Shakespeare would have sounded. Anyone who thinks that being Jewish isn’t an impediment to the presidency should remember what happened to Al Gore when he selected Joe Lieberman as his running mate: he lost Tennessee, one of the most anti-semitic states in the country, and his home state. Calling yourself a socialist, even if you’re not, is very, very stupid for anyone who wants to be president. (I don’t want to be president so I don’t care if people know I’m a socialist.)

BUT I AM NOT GOING TO LET YOU OFF THE HOOK: IF YOU CAN ACTUALLY NAME THREE DEMOCRATS WHO ARE ELIGIBLE, QUALIFIED AND ELECTABLE, DROP ME A NOTE AND TELL ME THEIR NAMES….BECAUSE I CAN’T FIND ANY.

News flash: Daryl Issa isn’t running for re-election. Hip, hip….

Alan is a poet, journalist, short story writer, editor, website developer, and political activist. He is the executive editor of BindleSnitch.com.