Well, friends, I hear that someone made a speech last night about immigration. I have heard that there are a lot of people who are very upset about what the speaker said. I have not heard it. I have not read it. I will not listen to it. I will not read it. I haven’t heard the comments about it. I haven’t read the comments about it. I will not listen to the comments about it. I will not read the comments about it. (Don’t carp. If the speech was about the wall, it was about immigration. If it was about the shutdown, it was about immigration.)

So, if a tree falls in the woods, and no one is there to hear it, how do you know the tree fell?

You know the tree fell because the man whose house it fell upon comes running into town to tell everyone else about the calamity that has befallen him.

I know about the speech because I saw it mentioned on social media and therefore I believe that the speech was given.

Why am I not interested in what this person said or what other people said about what this person said?

I am not interested because I am a landless peasant, a serf, a wage slave without wages, a gigless victim of the gig economy.

I am not interested because I know that I am powerless to do anything about what that person says or does. The only thing that makes us different is that you may not realize that you are just as powerless as I am and that we are are all powerless together.

You see, it has finally come to my attention that I don’t live in a direct democracy and, in fact, I never did and nor did you. We just thought we did.

The illusion that we were living in a direct democracy was created by an elite team of marketing specialists (also known as The Founding FATHERS) who convinced the American PEOPLE to give up the freedoms they had just won from one oligarch 3,269 miles away (the exact distance from Boston to London) to 7,981 oligarchs (7,383 state legislators, 50 governors, 535 senators and congresspeople, nine Supreme Court Justices and one president) an average of 300 miles away (the distance from the state capital to the most distant border in most states except Alaska, Texas, California and Florida.)

(I will grant you that, in the beginning, the enterprise was much more modest in scope, with nine colonies and a much smaller footprint but, even then, the oligarchs were anxious to avoid giving any real power to the people. They succeeded and we are suffering from the consequences.)

Now, to be fair, that number doesn’t include county and city officials. There are 3,142 counties or equivalents in the United States, each with a chief executive, which brings the total up to 11,105 oligarchs or equivalents.

But, wait, there’s more: There are 19,354 “incorporated places” in the United States consisting of cities and towns. So, add in another 19,354 mayors and mayor-equivalents and you get 30,459 oligarchs. Add in the city councils (at an average of 9 per city or town) and you get 185,291 oligarchs ruling over an estimated 325 million Americans.

This works out to an average of approximately 1,754 citizens per oligarch, but that number is deceiving because each citizen is actually beholden to city, county, state, and federal oligarchs.

These are the people who have ruled over you, day in and day out, from the day you were born until the present moment…but we have all been too stupid to realize that we have been had from the moment we were born.

We have been taught to believe that the Constitution is the most perfect political document ever written…which is another brilliant piece of propaganda perpetrated by those founding hoodwinkers.

I know those founding fathers we revere so much were careful to call their new government a “republic,” which is what one wag (Benjamin Franklin) reportedly said to a Philadelphia dowager when she asked him what kind of government they had created. He answered, “A republic, madam, if you can keep it.”

He misspoke. He should have called it a “representative republic” because that’s what we have.

You see, it’s an either/or choice: You can have a (direct) democracy or you can have a (representative) republic. You can’t have both.

We thought we had a democracy, and then we were taught to think that a republic was the same thing as a democracy but a representative republic is really just a capitalist corporation which is owned by its shareholders…and we are not the shareholders in the United States of America, Inc.

We are collectively owned — lock, stock, and barrel — by those 185,291 oligarchs and whatever freedoms we have left are merely those freedoms they allow us to think we have. (I know you thought that the oligarchs were just the billionaires but the billionaires cannot run the functions of government without bureaucrats and bureaucrats who work for oligarchs are just as much a part of the oligarchy as the oligarchs are.)

The present Oligarch-in-Chief came to power immorally, if not actually illegally, with more voters voting against him than for him, with the assistance of our sworn enemies. He now has the power to commute lawfully imposed prison sentences and pardon the offenders. He can even, it seems, pardon himself. He can benefit financially from his term of office, accept gifts from foreign powers, and give away our public lands to private parties. He can terminate any investigation as soon as he grows the balls required to do so. He has the right to rule through the dispensation of edicts (called executive orders) that remain in effect until a court decides otherwise. He has the ability to bring the government to a standstill by simply closing the cash drawer. He can declare national emergencies, withhold funds to address national emergencies, freeze wages and prices, conscript citizens into military service, impose tariffs on foreign goods, break treaties, and go to war without our let or leave…and you still think you live in a democracy?

He also has the power — the unique power — to appoint his own successor, as he did when he — and he alone — selected his running mate, anointing his own heir apparent.

He was elected by almost 63 million voters. His opponent received almost 66 million votes. What no one seems to remember, however, is that he only received 14 million votes in the Republican primaries, which means that, lo and behold, he only received 44.95% of the primary votes, making him a minority candidate in his own party as well as a minority Oligarch in Chief.

The incumbent Oligarch in Chief only became the Oligarch in Chief because of an archaic system (the Electoral College) that was designed to protect slave owners from the loss of their slave-owning rights.

But don’t we have a Supreme Court to watch over us? Well, not really. He has already selected two Supreme Court Justices and, before he leaves office, he will almost certainly select at least one more to replace the aging and ill Ruth Bader Ginsburg. He already controls the Supreme Court. With one more pick, his control will become absolute.

So, I’m not getting upset over his lies and prevarications. That what oligarchs do: they lie and they prevaricate until they get their way.

A long, long time ago, Michael Dukakis taught at class at the John F. Kennedy School of Government. In that class, he told his students — aspiring politicians to the very last student — that the way to succeed in government was to pick an issue that no one cared about very much, pass legislation to solve the problem that no one cared about in the first place, and then declare your administration a success because you fixed the problem that no one thought needed to be fixed.

That’s why the incumbent Oligarch in Chief wants his wall so much. He wants a clear-cut victory over the evil Democratic party over a meaningless issue that no one cares about one way or the other…and the Democratic party played right into his hands by making a big deal out of an $8 billion allocation.

We waste more money than that on paper clips but the Democrats gave him an issue to beat them up with by digging in their heels over an inconsequential matter that won’t make a difference to anyone except for the contractors who get the contracts.

This is why I’m not a Democrat, even though I will vote for them every time I get the chance regardless of which moron they run for office. They are really, really stupid…but they’re all we’ve got.

In the meantime, I abjure you to embrace the new designation for the caste of the American citizen: slaves.

Alan is a poet, journalist, short story writer, editor, website developer, and political activist. He is the executive editor of BindleSnitch.com.

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